Trip Down Memory Lane

I opened my files last night and suddenly, I tripped down memory lane. And after few minutes, I didn't like where my thoughts led me. I recalled some of sad and happy moments happened in my life before that should have been forgotten now. I couldn't help but feel vulnerable as I was scanning the things which were part of my past.

For a while, I wanted to shut myself from the world; to avoid any meeting with my friends; to stay in my safe place which is my bedroom. I felt like a little kid that needed a pat on the shoulder to feel better again. It is as if I was a kid that a lollipop could ease my sad face. Just buy me paper dolls and I wouldn't last the day without giving you a peck on the cheek. As a was sitting on my bed and looking out the window, I suddenly realized that a kid is better than a grown up woman. It's almost 14 years had passed since I was fond of staying in my room and playing with my paper dolls. Everything seemed so easy. I get up everyday with a happy face because I will play again. The only thing that bothers me is when my mom tells me to take a nap in the afternoon. I hate taking a nap. I usually sneak out when I know they are already sleeping but gathered some painful spanks when I went home in the afternoon.

Those are some precious moments in my past I am dying to feel and experience again. If only I could turn back the time when I was still young and free from all the burdens of the world. But time flies so fast I couldn't take a hold of it. Reality speaks that any changes in life should be faced with defiance.

As a woman and in love, you couldn't spare yourself from hurt. It will always haunt you like a ghost in the night. No one is free from hurt when he is loving and so was I. I never realized that “look” behind what love used to display in front. I thought everything will run smoothly but I was wrong. When you start to love someone, you will expose your vulnerability onto it. I did not regret the time I knew how to love but I was regretful I fell to the wrong persons. Nevertheless, they taught me how to be strong in facing hurtful situations especially in love. 

Along with that, the fear of being hurt was eventually alive in me which is not good for my growth personally.

It somehow made me very cautious and elusive to someone who tries to take away the hurt in me. I am just afraid to give my heart wholly and ended up hurting and alone. I know in time, I will be happy and I can't wait to feel that real happiness again.